Books
Mindful Matrimony
Enriching Your Marriage for the Rest of your Lives
by Furugh and Raymond Switzer
George Ronald Publisher Ltd
ISBN: 978-0-85398-571–6
320 pages
216 x 138 mm ( 8.5 x 5.5 ins)
A Kindle version of this book is available through Amazon.com
Soft Cover - £12.95 / $24.95
What does a ‘mindful marriage’ look like? The new reality of marriage in this time of transition is a central theme of this book. Relationships – not only our marital ones but all our essential ones – are in turmoil. Our relationship to our children, our parents, our friends, our society, the relationship between societies and nations, our political and legal relationships, our economic ties, our relationship to our earth home and to our Creative Source have all changed and humanity is scrambling to find its new ground.
Most of us are experiencing these massive shifts as painful and confusing, but the Bahá’í writings, which have anticipated this dislocation in human affairs, make it clear that these changes are necessary and are the birthing pains for the establishment of a new reality. We are making the great shift from our collective adolescence into the coming of age of the human race.
If we fail to realize that the requirements of marriage have also expanded, we will fall into the marital malaise that has seized most couples on the planet. Marriage can be either a nightmare or a source of joy and enrichment – the former if we continue our old patterns; the latter insofar as we can awaken to, and move beyond, the unconscious patterns to which most of us are still subservient.
The authors believe that marriage can now fulfil its highest potential and become an unprecedented source of well-being. We are now in a position to access a new level of consciousness and integrate the new principles which are the very ‘spirit of this age’.
So what does a ‘mindful marriage’ look like? The new reality of marriage in this time of transition is a central theme of this book.
Enriching Your Marriage for the Rest of your Lives
by Furugh and Raymond Switzer
George Ronald Publisher Ltd
ISBN: 978-0-85398-571–6
320 pages
216 x 138 mm ( 8.5 x 5.5 ins)
A Kindle version of this book is available through Amazon.com
Soft Cover - £12.95 / $24.95
What does a ‘mindful marriage’ look like? The new reality of marriage in this time of transition is a central theme of this book. Relationships – not only our marital ones but all our essential ones – are in turmoil. Our relationship to our children, our parents, our friends, our society, the relationship between societies and nations, our political and legal relationships, our economic ties, our relationship to our earth home and to our Creative Source have all changed and humanity is scrambling to find its new ground.
Most of us are experiencing these massive shifts as painful and confusing, but the Bahá’í writings, which have anticipated this dislocation in human affairs, make it clear that these changes are necessary and are the birthing pains for the establishment of a new reality. We are making the great shift from our collective adolescence into the coming of age of the human race.
If we fail to realize that the requirements of marriage have also expanded, we will fall into the marital malaise that has seized most couples on the planet. Marriage can be either a nightmare or a source of joy and enrichment – the former if we continue our old patterns; the latter insofar as we can awaken to, and move beyond, the unconscious patterns to which most of us are still subservient.
The authors believe that marriage can now fulfil its highest potential and become an unprecedented source of well-being. We are now in a position to access a new level of consciousness and integrate the new principles which are the very ‘spirit of this age’.
So what does a ‘mindful marriage’ look like? The new reality of marriage in this time of transition is a central theme of this book.
Conscious Courtship
Finding Someone to Love for the Rest of Your Life
by Raymond Switzer
George Ronald Publisher Ltd
Soft Cover
ISBN: 978-0-85398-508-2
A version of this
book for the Kindle is available through Amazon.com
Link to Kindle version
£11.95 / $21.95
232 pages
216 x 138 mm ( 8.5 x 5.5 ins)
Description:
Want to get married? Scared?
That’s hardly surprising in a society with a divorce rate over 40%, where
relationships seem to vanish like the morning dew. Yet most people dream of
finding a partner for life some day.
Raymond Switzer approaches the issues with understanding and humour. Drawing both on Bahá’í teaching and professional experience as a psychologist, he presents a new perspective for the 21st century that takes into account where we are now and looks at where we
might like to go and how to get there.
Knowing ourselves, becoming attracted to another person and getting to know them, falling in love, sexual
healing in an often brutal society, deciding to get married – these are among
the subjects of Conscious Courtship.
Questions answered include:
* I'm tired of going through romance again and again – what can I do to find
a lasting relationship?
* How can you really get to know another person?
* How do you know when you're ready for marriage?
* How can 1 overcome my fear of not choosing wisely?
* What about sharing responsibilities in a relationship?
* Can I have high expectations?
* What are the essential qualities to look for in another?
* What about differences in age, culture or nationality?
* When do you know you've found the right person?
and many more ...
Finding Someone to Love for the Rest of Your Life
by Raymond Switzer
George Ronald Publisher Ltd
Soft Cover
ISBN: 978-0-85398-508-2
A version of this
book for the Kindle is available through Amazon.com
Link to Kindle version
£11.95 / $21.95
232 pages
216 x 138 mm ( 8.5 x 5.5 ins)
Description:
Want to get married? Scared?
That’s hardly surprising in a society with a divorce rate over 40%, where
relationships seem to vanish like the morning dew. Yet most people dream of
finding a partner for life some day.
Raymond Switzer approaches the issues with understanding and humour. Drawing both on Bahá’í teaching and professional experience as a psychologist, he presents a new perspective for the 21st century that takes into account where we are now and looks at where we
might like to go and how to get there.
Knowing ourselves, becoming attracted to another person and getting to know them, falling in love, sexual
healing in an often brutal society, deciding to get married – these are among
the subjects of Conscious Courtship.
Questions answered include:
* I'm tired of going through romance again and again – what can I do to find
a lasting relationship?
* How can you really get to know another person?
* How do you know when you're ready for marriage?
* How can 1 overcome my fear of not choosing wisely?
* What about sharing responsibilities in a relationship?
* Can I have high expectations?
* What are the essential qualities to look for in another?
* What about differences in age, culture or nationality?
* When do you know you've found the right person?
and many more ...
All-in-One
Marriage Prep
Published by Barringer Publishing
Raymond Switzer is one of the 75 experts who contributed to this volume on marriage preparation.
What Fans are Saying…
This is an incredible book! Personally, I have been married for 34 years and have helped hundreds of couples as a Mars Venus Success Coach and a Prepare-Enrich mentor for over 12 years. I can tell you that this book destined to become *THE* marriage preparation manual.
So many great experts have graciously shared their collective wisdom on how couples can best get along, keep love sizzling, minimize conflict, adjust their expectations, and realize their own personal growth within the realm of relationship.
Ah, now if we can only get copies to every high school and college student in the world! And wouldn’t it be great to see this gem of a book as a major motion picture?
Magnificent job, Susanne, what a fabulous idea this is!
~ Melodie Tucker, Mars Venus Success Coach, Prepare-Enrich Mentor and ProConnect Specialist
All too often, married couples find it difficult to get beyond the wedding in their relationship with each other. When the luster of the fairy tale wedding starts to wear off and the difficult part of making a marriage work begins, many newly married couples flounder–they stumble–and sometimes, they fall. But you know what, this can all be prevented by engaging in marriage preparation with resources such as All-in-One Marriage Prep. Using this book will improve your chances of getting it right the first time around.
~ Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz, America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts and Authors of the Best-Selling Book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage
From the moment we began reading this book, my partner and I started talking. We were both initially a little hesitant to jump into a marriage preparation book, partly because both of us had been previously engaged and the preparation process had not worked out well. But instead of feeling awkward reading it together, it helped us realize the strength and the depth in our relationship, affirmed that we were following the right path for us, and gave us concrete steps, goals, and suggestions for heading into a happy, fulfilling, and eternal marriage.
~ Talia Lindsley, in a serious relationship
Marriage Prep
Published by Barringer Publishing
Raymond Switzer is one of the 75 experts who contributed to this volume on marriage preparation.
What Fans are Saying…
This is an incredible book! Personally, I have been married for 34 years and have helped hundreds of couples as a Mars Venus Success Coach and a Prepare-Enrich mentor for over 12 years. I can tell you that this book destined to become *THE* marriage preparation manual.
So many great experts have graciously shared their collective wisdom on how couples can best get along, keep love sizzling, minimize conflict, adjust their expectations, and realize their own personal growth within the realm of relationship.
Ah, now if we can only get copies to every high school and college student in the world! And wouldn’t it be great to see this gem of a book as a major motion picture?
Magnificent job, Susanne, what a fabulous idea this is!
~ Melodie Tucker, Mars Venus Success Coach, Prepare-Enrich Mentor and ProConnect Specialist
All too often, married couples find it difficult to get beyond the wedding in their relationship with each other. When the luster of the fairy tale wedding starts to wear off and the difficult part of making a marriage work begins, many newly married couples flounder–they stumble–and sometimes, they fall. But you know what, this can all be prevented by engaging in marriage preparation with resources such as All-in-One Marriage Prep. Using this book will improve your chances of getting it right the first time around.
~ Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz, America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts and Authors of the Best-Selling Book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage
From the moment we began reading this book, my partner and I started talking. We were both initially a little hesitant to jump into a marriage preparation book, partly because both of us had been previously engaged and the preparation process had not worked out well. But instead of feeling awkward reading it together, it helped us realize the strength and the depth in our relationship, affirmed that we were following the right path for us, and gave us concrete steps, goals, and suggestions for heading into a happy, fulfilling, and eternal marriage.
~ Talia Lindsley, in a serious relationship
Articles
What is Imago therapy?
By Raymond Switzer
“What we are all striving for is authenticity, a spirit-to-spirit connection. That requires difficult emotional work. According to Harville Hendrix, PhD, one of the best marriage therapists in the country and author of Getting the Love You Want, most people are coupled with someone who brings up all their past issues. Dr. Hendrix explained it this way when he appeared on my show: ‘The purpose of marriage is to finish your childhood. And if you finish your childhood, you will live happily ever after.’ ”
- from “What I know for Sure,” Oprah Magazine, March 2002, page 216. Signed by Oprah Winfrey
Marriage is a relationship so intense, close and demanding that the adaptive styles we had developed throughout childhood to survive tend to become dysfunctional. Imago theory posits that we emerge from childhood to some degree wounded through having some basic needs inadequately fulfilled and some of our potential capacities in certain of the key areas (thinking, feeling, acting, sensing and being), to varying degrees, attenuated. We carry in our implicit memory a deep sense of joy around the good connection and nurturing we had in childhood and we also maintain deeply embedded “recollections” around the hurts endured in our closest childhood relationships. This is what Harville Hendrix calls our “imago”.
We carry our imago with us into adulthood and unconsciously seek a match for this when we start to find a partner. We also tend to be attracted to someone whose high functioning in key areas corresponds to our low functioning ones. When we find someone whose imago triggers our own, and the complementarity of lost functions also match, we fall in love. While in love, the positive aspects of our imago are brought powerfully to the surface and the negative aspects largely overlooked. Once the romantic drive loses its energy, the negative aspects of the imago are brought, equally powerfully, to the surface and the positive aspects quickly forgotten. At this stage, the fears or rage around which we developed our survival mechanisms as children are triggered. These same survival mechanisms cause pain to the other who then defends using his or her survival mechanisms. These survival mechanisms of our partner often resemble the worst traits of our early caregivers. This inaugurates a cycle of wounding and rewounding and the marital relationship falls into trouble. At this stage, also, the key areas of functioning which we had repressed as children, but which our partner had developed well, cease being a source of attraction. Rather, we seek to oppress them in our partner. The couple tends to move into conflict, distancing or combinations of both.
The romantic stage of love gives us a foretaste of who we can be and of the power of love in our relationship. The underpinnings of romance are, however, largely unconscious. The stage of conflict which follows romance brings to the surface unfulfilled needs and undeveloped functioning resulting in feelings of dismay and intense disappointment. The undercurrents of the stage of conflict are also, however, largely unconscious. From this point of pain or outrage we have an intense urge to escape or seek fulfillment in other ways from sources outside of the marital relationship. However, no amount of work, distraction, or even finding other lovers, can fulfill what is our deepest yearning. What we long for most earnestly is what the unconscious stages of romance and conflict have set the stage for: a conscious, loving relationship where each partner chooses to override unconscious adaptations to serve the partner’s yearning for healing and acceptance.
In practice, imago therapy moves beyond the often boxed in, individualistic psychological orientation of personal psychotherapy whose credo or premise often reads as some variation of “You can only change yourself”. There is some truth in this but, taken out of context, it can be destructive to relationships. We were all wounded in relationship and – in imago theory – we are only healed in relationship. Marriage is the most potent relationship for healing and – according to imago theory – this is the psychological purpose of marriage. We can get rid of our partner but we will carry our problems with us. Thus, imago therapists see marriage itself as the client, not the individuals who make it up. Heal the relationship, and the individuals become able to reclaim the lost parts of themselves and reach their highest potential.
Why I like Imago
1. Imago Theory helps us to make sense of who we are, how we came to be this way, who we are attracted to, and how this affects our marriage.
2. Imago sees a psychological purpose in marriage and links this to the importance of commitment.
3. Imago recognizes that marriage only really works well when the partners are equal and the voice of each – including the frustrations each is experiencing – is thoroughly, respectfully and empathically heard out and understood.
4. Imago therapy brings past issues efficiently into the present, gives the subject a new experience around the issue with their partner now playing a positive role in healing past hurts.
5. In Imago Therapy, the relationship is the client.
6. An Imago therapist is an outside helper whose expertise lies in facilitating the couple in helping them to realize the capacity of their relationship to make conscious their woundedness and move them towards healing and resolution.
7. Imago theory sees conflict in marriage as growth trying to happen.
8. Imago training for therapists is carried out on a very professional basis with extremely well-qualified and experienced trainers. The process of the training is congruent with Imago theory and values the importance of Imago therapists doing the work in their own marriages.
A személyes határaink keterjesztése - a "másság kérdése (Extending our personal boundaries - the question of otherness)
by Furugh Switzer
Published in Kultúra és Közösség, III folyam, 2004. II szám, 46-52. (A Hungarian journal of sociology).